Zoe Brown

I am concerned that many women choose not to voice their feelings toward men so they can be less threatening to men. They will not label themselves as feminists, (God forbid) and when many do, they use it under the claim that feminism can help everyone. Of course, it can. But that is not the point. It isn’t the point and it isn’t the right card to play because to achieve true gender equality, men have to give up some of their power and if they wanted to do that, they would have by now. 

Of course, achieving more egalitarian gender roles is the goal here. But I reject the idea that to do this, women must act more like men. Women should not have to put their feelings in a box and wear power suits to be viewed as respectable. 

Presenting in a traditionally feminine way does not mean that a woman lacks power or is less deserving of respect. I refuse to give up my favorite feminine things like dresses and makeup and rom-coms to be seen as powerful. I wholly support my power suit-clad sisters and I love to rock the hell out of a blazer. But I demand to be respected either way.

Feminine characteristics are effective in leadership and create a culture of inclusion. The idea that masculine is synonymous with power should not be reinforced.

1. Feminine characteristics are effective in leadership and create a culture of inclusion. 

Characteristics most observable in women --- listening, compassion, inclusion, thoughtfulness --- due to a combination of biology and socialization, are difficult to be taught. Not that men can’t cultivate these characteristics, but they have not been socially pressured to take these on or taught to nurture them. 

I can’t help but become internally frustrated with my fellow women who advocate on behalf of cis white men. They have their entire gender to help them out, why are you playing for the other team? Women who advocate for men are coming from a good place, but they are also ignoring a whole genre of scholarly work that explores the differences between men and women. These differences have been socially reinforced and come into practice in daily interactions with men in personal and professional settings. 

For example, men may have difficulty articulating their feelings. Now, I hear women say this isn’t specifically a male problem but the affectation rests in the brain and primarily affects men. Researchers at Stanford University tested the brains of men and women by showing them emotionally-charged images. They monitored activity in the brains of men and women. In men, two parts of the brain lit up. In women, nine lit up. This is a positive trait in women, especially in the workforce. I think it could translate to women being more empathetic, perceptive and understanding in the workforce.

There are some times where this perception skill can be working overtime, but it is easier to teach people to put aside their personal feelings in a professional setting than to unlock the ability to read and react appropriately to emotional situations. 

2. The idea that “masculine = powerful” should not be reinforced

Cis white men are rarely on our team. We should recruit them but we don’t need to join theirs. Given the track record of men in history, there is no need for women to play to their level. 

We don’t need to stay quiet and make it seem like our feelings of injustice are simply feelings. The trivialization of female feelings is a tactic of the patriarchy to keep women from speaking up about our true feelings. This works perfectly for 21st century American cis white men who will often point out that we have rights and equal opportunities. This means that the feeling of needing to prove yourself as a woman or addressing the question, “Did he say that to me because I’m a woman?” are seen as non-issues and invalidated on sight. They are issues. They are systemic and a product of the patriarchy. But they can change!

The first step is to bring these issues to light. The second step is to engage in dialogue and help reverse the work of the patriarchy.

Women must support women, as tired as it sounds. I think it is important women stand behind feminism. There have been times where I’ve been scared of feminism because I didn’t want to put people off. By people, I mean men. I am an extremely loudmouth feminist and guess what, if men wanted me before, they still want me now. Your political orientation and social agenda are not going to get in the way of men wanting to sleep with you. And if it does, you obviously don’t want that guy!

I recognize that I am extremely fortunate to live in a time and place where I can voice these opinions. I am thankful to live in the 21st century but saying “We’re farther along than we were” is often used as a cop-out excuse for not pushing for greater equality and the relief of social pressures on women. It does not need to be said. Anyone who went through elementary school history knows that things are obviously better than they were. But I will not sit around and say I would feel comfortable with my daughter living in the time I grew up. We are not living in a post-racial, post-sexist society. We need to quit resting on our laurels and continue to push for change. Too much gender-based discrimination still exists and is amplified significantly for women of color and transgender women. Progress is the vehicle, it is not the destination. Proportional representation in politics, the media, the workforce is the goal and we have a long way to go. 

Now, the purpose of this article is not to shame women who support men or who don’t label themselves as feminists. It is to present the reasons why women don’t NEED to prioritize their support for men and present the reasons why we all should become feminists. My younger, more moderate self was in the camp of “we have more similarities than differences” and of course this is true. But it doesn’t need to be said. There is a greater need for the empowerment of women through embracing who we are. This is the best time to pave our way and seize our power --- but it is up to women to get it done. Women must collectively neglect the idea that the only way to get ahead in this world is to play the man’s game.