Dumbing Down Your Look For The Male Gaze
Written By: Ellie Edwards
Photography By: Ellie Edwards
Modeled By: Aliyah Rivero, Blue Campbell, & Sky Wolfe
Most of us have experienced the struggle of getting ready for a night out and feeling like we have nothing to wear. That dramatic, “I have no clothes!!!” moment — even though you and I both know… Your closet is full. Oftentimes, this daunting thought can be coming from a place of fear, a fear that whatever you pick out, wherever you are going, someone might look at you funny or say the wrong thing, making you regret your decision. I’ve been there more times than I can count — letting that fear ruin a perfectly amazing outfit. Letting what others might think dictate how confident or cute I allow myself to feel. Skipping the bold jewelry because maybe the guy I’m into won’t like it. And while that’s such a human impulse, at some point you have to ask yourself — are you really going to let someone else’s opinion stop you from feeling good?
In my early college years, that’s when I started to feel this pressure most. I had always been unapologetically expressive in high school, but when it came time for my first frat party, I froze. Do I wear my trusty Doc Martens or the kitten heels with my mini dress? I’m sure you can guess which I chose. At first, it was fun — I found a balance that made me feel cute, cool, and a little sexy, while still getting the validation I thought I needed. But eventually, it got exhausting. Dressing for someone else, constantly trying to meet an invisible standard — it wears you down. And that’s when I realized something important: people who have negative opinions about your style probably aren’t people worth impressing anyway. The way you dress is an expression of who you are — how you carry yourself, what you love, what makes you feel alive. If you’re always trying to fit into someone else’s mold or meet their expectations, you’ll never have the freedom to be fully yourself.
I say all this without judgment, because trust me — I’ve been guilty of it too. Time and time again, I found myself in situationships with guys who, in one way or another, dimmed my light. And I’d hate to see that happen to the baddies who come after me. Wear the outfit. Put on the clunky jewelry. Be the main character in your story — not the supporting role in someone else’s. Good people don’t waste their energy criticizing other people’s appearances. So if you catch yourself caring a little too much about what someone like that thinks, pause and remind yourself: wait, maybe this person just isn’t it. Maybe I shouldn’t even want their approval. Then move right along — because the right people will make you feel good, supported, and confident in being exactly who you are. Developing that sense of self — the ability to know which opinions matter and which don’t — will completely transform your confidence and how you see yourself. Growth isn’t easy, especially when you realize that the only person you can truly count on for your entire life is you. So why not invest in that relationship? Strengthen that bond within yourself; make your head the best place to live.
