“You just get me!”: Why Female Friendships are So Important
Written by: Blu Campbell
Modeled by: Blu Campbell, Tanith Frazier, Jenna Brown, Sky Wolfe
Photographed by: Jayla Hunter
From the start of our lives, girls are put in competition with other girls. Being "girly" is bad, liking Barbies and pink and glitter is stupid. Friendships with other girls feeling so close, yet astronomically out of reach. Once we accept that we’re allowed to have them, then what?
As tweens, many of us went through a “Not Like Other Girls” or “Pick Me” phase. What is that, you ask? A “Pick Me Girl” is a girl who seeks male validation via putting down other girls, she’s not obsessed with make-up or listening to pop music–she’s not like all those other girls. It’s a normal phase to go through, especially since as girls we’re taught to constantly be seeking male validation.
Eventually though, we all grow out of this phase. We realize that hanging out with other girls, liking pop music and having mindless gossip isn’t evil. So, what’s next? It’s an awkward adjustment, but eventually we reach the other side. For me, I learned the value of these friendships through love–shared laughs, secrets, tears, and being there for each other when it felt like the world was ending. Another thing I learned to share with other girls was fashion.
I love fashion, I love dressing up, and to do that with others makes me even happier. Me and three other girls are all trying to get ready in the same shoebox-sized dorm room, the speaker is on, we’re laughing and dancing and–oh god I have nothing to wear. Here come my saviors; What vibe am I going for? Do I want to match with the group? My wardrobe is being inspected under a microscope and my friend has a top she says would match me perfectly! It comes with an overwhelming sense of love. This is yours, and you’re choosing to share it with me, you saw it and thought of me. What a love you must hold for me.
It’s also, more often than not, something more casual. Giving your friend a shirt because it’s way too hot for the sweater they’re wearing, something to sleep in for an impromptu sleepover, cleaning up after you spilled something on yourself, something softer because you’re having sensory issues. Not even just sharing clothes, but reassuring your friend that their outfit is cute, yes, it looks good on you. All such simple acts of kindness from one friend to another, and it all comes back to love. Someone behind you telling you that your shirt tag is sticking out then offering to put it back, a stranger is suddenly your best friend because you’re scared for your safety. All of it comes back to a deep-rooted sense of care and community with each other.
Even as someone who no longer identifies as a woman, I don't exclude myself from that love, especially since I still outwardly present as feminine a majority of the time. If you have ever lived any part of your life as female, there’s a sense of understanding you have that cisgender men don’t. There’s a safety in love and community you get from each other. For much of history, women were treated as the “lesser sex”, and those ideas are still held by some people– including cisgender women –in 2025. It’s important to be there for each other when we’re vulnerable; such as women of color, disabled women and queer women.
While giving your friend a cute pair of jeans won’t fix the world, or make it safer for women, it reminds us that we’re not alone. Now, more than ever, we need to be there for each other. Tell someone you love their outfit, offer to fix your friend’s shirt tag–show your love! I’ll protect you, love you, and you’ll do the same in return. Why? Because you just get me!
