1,200 Calories, Or Comfortable In My Own Skin

 Written by: Ellie Edwards

Photography by: Ellie Edwards

Graphics by: Ellie Edwards

Modeled by: Aliyah Rivero, Izzy Hill, and Mia Klauberg

Throughout history, women have been told to step on that scale and if you aren’t below a certain number, you are not pretty. If you have too much cellulite, you probably shouldn’t wear that! If you’ve got some acne…maybe consider some concealer. Constant criticism and backlash for simply existing. The struggle to feel comfortable wearing low-waisted jeans out of fear your tiny pooch might say hi! Women spend their lives fighting this constant internal battle of whether you should just “love yourself and embrace your natural curves!” Or if you should be hyperaware of your appearance and how much one eats in a day. Its tough never being able to decide which is right and never truly feeling a sense of ease. It always appears to be no in between within our culture. You are either over indulgent, needing to hit the gym, or constantly counting those calories, you’re always beating yourself up for one reason or the other.

I’m here to say, that’s okay. All of it, through personal experience of being a woman in her twenties, I can certainly say I am not even close to having it figured out. But I can at least offer wisdom from my experience. I have had sudden weight gain, just like I have lost weight probably faster than it would be considered healthy. It can be so difficult to navigate the boundaries within yourself and to set good habits that will create a better quality of life for you. Something I always try to remind myself when I can feel the bad thoughts winning is that everything in life comes in seasons. When I first moved to school, I remember putting on some ‘woman’ weight and letting it crush my mental well being without even allowing myself to come to the realization that this is my adult body growing. This is me growing from a girl into a woman and I needed to allow myself to do that without treating my own skin like the enemy. Accepting weight fluctuation and not listening to society or social media when you get told tiny is pretty is something that can be difficult to overcome but is possible. There are, what? Seven billion people on this earth? You can have a little flab queen! The right person should be obsessed with it. Not everyone you see online is perfect and not everyone you compare yourself to is either. Everyone has their issues, some are just more comfortable being vulnerable than others.

I was so fortunate to meet a group of women early on who were comfortable enough to share their own insecurities, creating a safe space for me to share some of my own. So often it can feel like even your best friends are against you when it comes to vanity, comparison, envy, it truly can be the root of all evil. We all exist in the world together, so having a warm, healthy community can really be a strength. As you grow into young women, it can be especially difficult to make those more specific decisions for your health. You may start to notice you can’t quite eat what you used to and keep whatever figure you once deemed ideal, maybe you need to cut some things out or maybe you just need to simply prioritize getting out of the house and going on walks everyday. Setting aside that time to take care of your physical health can in turn raise your overall quality of life. Technology sometimes tricks us into thinking we don’t need that time outside, but it is just simply untrue as human beings!

Creating a well rounded sense of self can really allow one to feel more comfortable in their own skin. No matter what that looks like to you, shifting your mentality from vanity to genuine self care can make all the difference. What are your true intentions behind going to the gym? To lose five pounds this month? Or to feel proud of yourself for accomplishing that today, pat yourself on the back for going on that walk. Or for prioritizing your wellbeing and putting down your phone. Create your own measure of success within your body, and within your mind. Be a little selfish and exist for you.