Rom-coms are feminist.
Written by: Kayla Curry
I’m a feminist in every sense of the word. I often find myself partaking in angry rants about my frustrations with men. I am on the executive board for Generation Action, a daughter organization of Planned Parenthood. You’ll find me thirst tweeting about The Aces, an all-girl rock band I am obsessed with. I just really love women.
I’m also a hopeless romantic who indulges herself in young adult romance novels and movies every chance I get. Many might say these things contradict each other. I say. That. Is. A. Load. Of. Bullshit. (Excuse my unladylike language...or don’t.) Here are 4 reasons why.
1. Feminism does not look a certain way.
If you’re like me, you may be concerned that being a feminist and being in love with Peter Kavinsky is an inflexible paradox. Can you be a hopeless romantic as a feminist? After careful thought, I think the answer is absolutely yes — you can.
In fact, I think the notion that being a feminist has to look a certain way is just the patriarchy creeping into our decisions and our behaviors again. Why should I call cheesy romance stories my “guilty pleasures?” They’re just pleasures. Nothing to feel guilty about.
We’ve been socialized to feel bad about liking stories in which women actually get the love, appreciation, and recognition they deserve, and the way I see it, that’s just another way for society to mock anything that women derive enjoyment from. Feminism is getting to love who or whatever you want, and be whatever you want, even if those things are considered “traditionally feminine.” Stories about women that include men are still stories about women which brings me to reason #2.
2. Rom-coms can be empowering too.
Romance stories can be a reflection of the way we wish things were. Think about it. Romance stories are the only time women actually get what they want.
The romance genre is written primarily by women, for women, and if we all like it so much, why are we mocked for it? The answer: We’ve been socialized to feel guilty about women’s pleasure, but we should start practicing feeling proud of it.
A perfect example comes from my favorite rom-com and book series “To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before.” I love it not just because I think Peter K is a heartthrob, but because the girl in the story gets exactly what she dreams of. My favorite character in the story is the protagonist, Lara Jean Song-Covey, a 16-year-old Korean American who loves bright colors, baking, scrapbooking, and reading steamy romance novels.
As an Asian American who has always been a shy, hopeless romantic like LJ, I see myself in her. One of the reasons the series is so enjoyable to rewatch time and time again is getting to watch Lara Jean blossom in front of your eyes and get all she’s ever wanted. I find myself feeling empowered watching a girl be soft and strong at the same time.
At the beginning of the story, Lara Jean goes unnoticed by almost everybody. By the end, she has multiple friends who discover what an interesting and kind person she really is, and she’s dating Peter Kavinsky, her childhood crush. She finds her voice in this story while dating the cutest boy in school. Not to mention, she had a plethora of women supporting her, including her sisters and her late mother who influences her character despite not being physically present.
The series does not ignore Lara Jean as a three-dimensional character with a backstory, personality traits, hobbies, and values. The story is just as much about a young woman coming of age as it is about romance.
3. Romance isn’t just a “girl thing”.
Being in love with love is not something to be ashamed of, and it’s definitely not assigned to a certain gender. Romance is not just stories about masculine men saving the day, and heternormative plotlines don’t have to be threadbare and boring.
For example, Lara Jean stands up to her bully and confronts her boyfriend head-on without ever having to wear less pink or fewer bows. She does not let a man boss her around, and she does it without ever having to sacrifice her love of baking or reading romance novels.
You should not have to sacrifice your “traditional femininity” to be a feminist. Be whatever you want because traditional femininity doesn’t really exist. We’ve been socialized to believe in it, but terms like “girly colors” or “chick flick” hold no intrinsic meaning. It’s draining enough having to fight against society’s expectations of us as women without having to give up things that make us happy.
I should not feel bad for wishing things were as simple as they’re portrayed in books and movies because honestly, fighting the patriarchy is tiring, which brings me to my last point.
4. Feminists just wanna have fun.
Sometimes I want to stop thinking about how we live in a patriarchal society that still perpetuates a gender pay gap and sympathizes with misogynistic men who abuse their power. It’s mentally exhausting. The thought that we as feminists can’t enjoy a sappy love story because we’re too busy fighting the patriarchy is ridiculous and unrealistic. We want to have fun too.
So what if we like reading romance novels or watching romantic comedies on Netflix? Give us a break. Men in real life are almost never the kind we see on-screen, and maybe we just wish they were.
It’s true we are socialized to believe in the false idea that women need a man to be complete. We are conditioned to look for our husband most of our young adult lives, then settle down and have kids. Feminism doesn’t say having these things are bad. It just says you’re not any less of a woman if you decide you want something else. Feminism is all about making choices of your own volition.
My final thoughts:
After a lot of thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that not only is the romance genre not anti-feminist, but it is pro-feminist. So next time you’re watching “Little Women,” applaud Jo March, but don’t feel bad for rooting for her romance with the cute boy next door. It’s time we stop feeling ashamed of the things that bring us joy and start feeling empowered by them.